Before You Say "I DO" - Questions to Ask Your Future Spouse...
1. "What is your relationship with your children from your previous marriage, and how will I be affected?"
While I am certainly no expert on stepparenting, I have observed that many stepparents adapt quickly to the new role and often find that children from a previous marriage grow to love and adore a stepparent who shows tenderness, kindness, and understanding on a daily basis. We certainly can do without the classic understanding of the "evil stepmother." Children just want to be loved.
But as you enter into marriage, you will certainly want to talk about your new role as a stepparent. Often there is much apprehension and fear about filling this role, but people with big hearts are always suited to the task.
As you talk about this new role, you might consider these additional questions which will affect your stepparenting and your relationship with your spouse:
-How do your children feel about me?
-What role do you want me to play in disciplining your children?
-What should i know about your children?
-How often will your children be in our house?
-How often will you want to see your children alone?
-What can I do to be a good stepparent to your children?
-What do your children like to do?
-What do I need to do before our marriage to ease the transition for your children?
-What might your children expect of me?
2. "Who will be the "breadwinner"?
More and more I meet husbands who are staying home with the kids while their wives go to the office. I applaud these nontraditional choices and think couples should talk about these issues before marriage.
Think about your own relationship. Perhaps you are trying to determine who should be the primary income provider in your home. As you talk about this subject, consider some of these questions:
-Which of us earns more?
-Which of us has the potential to earn more?
-Which of us has the best benefits?
-Which of us has a job with the most long-term stability? Flexibility?
-Which of us dislikes his/her job the most?
Source: Book - Todd Outcalt: Before You Say "I Do"
While I am certainly no expert on stepparenting, I have observed that many stepparents adapt quickly to the new role and often find that children from a previous marriage grow to love and adore a stepparent who shows tenderness, kindness, and understanding on a daily basis. We certainly can do without the classic understanding of the "evil stepmother." Children just want to be loved.
But as you enter into marriage, you will certainly want to talk about your new role as a stepparent. Often there is much apprehension and fear about filling this role, but people with big hearts are always suited to the task.
As you talk about this new role, you might consider these additional questions which will affect your stepparenting and your relationship with your spouse:
-How do your children feel about me?
-What role do you want me to play in disciplining your children?
-What should i know about your children?
-How often will your children be in our house?
-How often will you want to see your children alone?
-What can I do to be a good stepparent to your children?
-What do your children like to do?
-What do I need to do before our marriage to ease the transition for your children?
-What might your children expect of me?
2. "Who will be the "breadwinner"?
More and more I meet husbands who are staying home with the kids while their wives go to the office. I applaud these nontraditional choices and think couples should talk about these issues before marriage.
Think about your own relationship. Perhaps you are trying to determine who should be the primary income provider in your home. As you talk about this subject, consider some of these questions:
-Which of us earns more?
-Which of us has the potential to earn more?
-Which of us has the best benefits?
-Which of us has a job with the most long-term stability? Flexibility?
-Which of us dislikes his/her job the most?
Source: Book - Todd Outcalt: Before You Say "I Do"
