(Q) I have fallen in love twice. Both times I thought we were in it for the long haul. And both times I have been deeply hurt. I can’t go through that kind of agony again. I don’t feel like love is possible anymore. I don’t believe there is anyone who isn’t going to hurt me, and yet I don’t want to be alone. How do I find the strength to keep looking that love is possibly out there for me, without being wounded?
(A) If you’re going through life guarded, convinced that anyone you might fall for is going to hurt you, then you really are wounded. If you start dating or begin a new relationship expecting to be hurt, you will attract the wrong kind of partner, or no partner at all.
Finding faith in love again is no easy task. It’s one thing to get over a break up, and then another to nurture enough optimism within yourself to give love another go. But it’s our unwavering belief in love and the desire to share life with someone that motivates us to try again. No matter how unlucky in love we have been.
To find your faith in love again, especially when you’re afraid of being hurt, you need to address both the little and big things, in yourself, and your approach to loving.
1. Drop the cynicism
The negativity, sarcasm, and snarky comments about love, couples in love, and general happiness, make you look petty, jealous and unattractive. Most people will be repelled by it, or will assume (rightly) that you have been broken by a hurtful love past. Cynicism and negativity won’t get you anywhere good. There’s no point to bring down love, whether you’re looking for it or not. You’ve got to readjust a negative attitude if you want to rediscover your faith in love. Remind yourself it’s not adding to your life, but subtracting from it. So whenever you find yourself being negative or cynical, bite your tongue and soon, you’ll see the pattern change – for the better.
2. Remember what love is like
Listen, read and soak in all the soppy romantic things you can get your hands on. Listen to love songs, watch romantic films, read love stories and immerse yourself in happy endings. Refuel your belief that versions of "happily ever after" do happen. Let romance and love surround you and rejuvenate you and make you feel like it’s possible for you (again) too. Get excited about what might be in your future soon. First kisses are exciting. Falling in love is wonderful. Remember the great parts rather than keeping the memory of the hurt and pain at the center of your mind.
3. Reflect on what you want
Get clear about what you’re looking for. Think about what went wrong in the past so to avoid that in the future – keeping in mind that over analysis can be paralysis too. And sometimes, people just weren’t right for each other, and that’s it. Look to the future by telling yourself what you know you want in a partner. What are your must-have qualities? What are your deal breakers? Once you know that be open minded and flexible about everything in between. Because love can come in the most unexpected ways and packages.
4. Take a risk
Sometimes finding faith is about not thinking, just doing. So don’t listen to your head. Especially if it’s telling you negative thoughts about love and your future. Take a deep breath and jump. Try something you’ve never done before, whether it’s online dating, a new hobby or a blind date. Make yourself say yes to new experiences rather than no. Practice taking chances on new things, and that will help open you up to take another chance on a bigger thing: trusting your heart to openly love again, and be loved in return.
Source:
http://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/s*x-relation...
Posted By: How May I Help You NC
Thursday, December 15th 2016 at 2:59PM
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