1. "How often do you expect us to visit?"
The greater the distance between you and your in-laws, the more important this question becomes. Not only will the answer affect your pocketbook, vacation days, and weekend schedule, it will also make a marked difference in the way you see your in-laws over a period of time. If your in-laws' expectations are higher than your own, you might grow to resent frequent visits. If their expectations are lower than your own, you might get the feeling that they resent having you around when you do visits.
This question gives your in-laws an opportunity to express their need for privacy and space. Some people, when they finally get the "empty nest," are quite happy to keep it that way. They feel they've earned it. And they don't want that nest disturbed by frequent visits from family.
On the other hand, many people experience the shock of loneliness when their last son or daughter marries and moves away. Some may relish, even pine for, many visits from you and your spouse, If this is the case, then understand that you are loved and appreciated by your in-laws.
One could do much worse than that.
2. "How often do you expect to visit us?"
Now here is the other side of the issue. How often do you want his family to visit in your home? Have some idea of your expectations before you ask the question.
I know that I have been favorably blessed with wonderful in-laws. Through the years I have come to appreciate family times together --my visits in their hoe, their visits in mine. And I think we have an understanding and heartfelt acceptance that the doors are always open, There is never a bad time. We always appreciate the time we spend together.
But I am aware that not every family gets along as well as my own. Some people seem to inherit dreadful in-laws: the mother-in-law who is constantly bickering; the son-in-law who belches at the table and chews with his mouth open. Oh, well, some traits can be overlooked, I suppose.
If you happen to now that you will not be able to get along well with your in-laws, talk about this fact with your future spouse. Then try to communicate your desires to your in-laws. Give your future relatives some idea of how often you would like them to visit in your home.
Once you've reached an understanding, you will all be able to enjoy and appreciate these visits to their full advantage. And best of all, there will be no surprises.
Source: Book - Todd Outcalt: Before You Say "I Do"
Posted By: How May I Help You NC
Friday, December 9th 2016 at 10:27AM
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