"Black women’s unrealistic standards are probably born of bedtime stories about handsome, rich men on majestic horses delivering damsels in distress. Girlfriends often tell similar apocryphal tales about the friend of a friend who nabbed a rich, hung sugar-daddy who saved them from a life of dishpan hands and lower-middle-class drudgery. Through the influence of popular media and the misguided advice they give each other, sisters combine these images and presumptions to draw a composite of a perfect black man. No way he could exist, but far be it for something like common sense to stop the average woman from looking. Her friends meet men who are so close—so close, girl! With just one fatal flaw, like he snores or doesn’t get DirectTV. But girl, he was so close! So as a tribe, they all just keep looking, telling themselves that accepting anything less than perfection would be “settling” because they’ve been convinced that the perfect man exists. This goes on until this perfect black man becomes like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster, with cults of nut jobs trading information, hunting tips and fish stories about the one that got away, their lives committed to hunting and capturing a creature who could not possibly exist. But wait—just like Sasquatch and Loch Ness—Mr. Right is on the cover of every magazine, the star of many movies and the next guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show … right?
Of course, he is." -Jimi Izrael , The Denzel Principle: Why Black Women Can't find Good Men
I keep reading these articles complaining that black women are single because they have ridiculously high standards. All the good black women are holding out for an attractive, wealthy, respectful, tough yet sensitive man who is amazing in bed. I’ve even seen an article reference Michelle and Barack Obama, stating that she accepted him with nothing…and look how that turned out. Because, apparently, being a law intern during Harvard law school enrollment, previous work experience as a passionate community organizer, having a Columbia degree, tall, physically attractive, great personality, humor, wit and being sensitive to women’s needs is nothing. More and more you will continue to hear this argument that black women’s standards are too high, while you don’t hear the same type of argument against white women. It comes across as not only incorrect, but also insulting to both black women and their black male counterparts. The argument is basically suggesting that black men are inherently inferior. This is a fact that black women need to accept, in order to find a relationship. And for some reason I don’t understand, black men agree with the argument and use it time and time again.
If a black women wants a quality partner to spend her life with, she is seen as bitter and unrealistic. But when a white woman has the exact same standards (perhaps with the exception of being excellent in bed) it is perfectly normal. Aside from black women already having to spend their entire lives facing a society that tries to pain them as less desirable because they are not passive enough, their skin is not light enough, their hair is not straight enough…they are now being faced with an out poor of people telling them that they do not deserve a good man and the notion of such is ridiculous, as none is available within their own race. Is it not apparent that the stereo type that all black women are chasing professional athletes and rappers stems from another stereo type that these are the only successful black men? And just as in reality the typical black woman is not a hypers*xual gold digger, the typical successful black man is not a celebrity.
It is important for black men not to perpetuate the claim that black women have unreasonable standards, because it is in essence a claim that the idea of black men being worthwhile is unreasonable. Even if perhaps you yourself are not capable of fitting into the mold that a woman of worth (black or otherwise) would find suitable to spend her life with, you are the one who is unrealistic to discount your entire race. In fact there are plenty attractive and successful black men on the dating scene. And it is my opinion that if more black women would hold out for this type of man, more black men would step up to the plate in order to make the cut.
Posted By: Shalonda Lee
Sunday, September 7th 2014 at 4:23PM
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